Amidst the massive demands of a human life, including work, children, and bills to be paid, a safe partner relationship is the sanctuary many seek.  What happens when this sanctuary is threatened? One's safe place can feel like it has been occupied by a demon.  Severely conflictual relationships have even been likened by researchers to smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.

 

As a couples therapist, I help people reclaim the sanctuary of their partnership.  The primary method I use in my work with couples is "EFT", or "Emotionally Focused Therapy," inspired by the work of Sue Johnson.  EFT makes intuitive sense to people: at the root of all their conflict, partners are actually upset about not being able to reach their confidante, their lover, their best friend.

Contrary to what used to be the prevailing wisdom for centuries, we are beginning to appreciate we never outgrow the importance of safe attachments in our lives.

 

Parents provide safety for their children.  The peer group provides refuge for the teenager, as he or she relinquishes parental safety and tries to find his or her way in the world.  The mature adult relationship is the final extension of this need for safe attachment.